I've been thinking a lot lately about what makes marriage work, specifically my own. Part of the reason this is on my mind is that I had a little discussion about it yesterday with, of all people, a used car salesman. Kevin was a young man who while we were looking at cars told me he is engaged, and is very excited about it. I told him that getting married was the smartest thing I'd ever done and I find it kind of cool that that is still true after 20+ years. We talked through 5 test drives about the give and take of being married and the impact having parents with good marriages makes on one's own marriage. He was one of the best car salesmen I've met and I'm definitely going back to buy a car from him. He also got to see in practice a bit of the give and take I was talking about.
Right now Rick and Stephen are backpacking at the National Boy Scout camp in Philmont. This 12 day hiking trip was planned before we knew we'd be moving back to the states and I have to say it couldn't be more inconvenient. I can't do anything without Rick! That may sound like a whiny exaggeration but it's actually the truth...I mean I drove 5 cars yesterday, one that I would have purchased immediately if Rick had been with me but since he wasn't it will have to wait. (the frustrating part is that it's a used car and it probably won't be there when he gets back!) The same thing is happening with house-hunting. I found one I ABSOLUTELY love but it's a foreclosure and chances are again very good that it will be gone by the time Rick gets home.
BTW, I realize that God is teaching me a lesson about waiting and not getting my heart (and mind) focused on a thing! If that house and that car are God's will then they'll be there when I can purchase them...and if they're not God's will I'm much better off without them! I really do want to be in God's will but I will confess that sometimes it would be better if I wanted it more!
Anyway, I got a bit off topic but back to the subject of marriage. I could tell that Kevin really wanted me to buy the car (and like I've said I would also have liked for me to buy the car) but after our earlier conversation I pointed out to him that making a major purchase is something married people do together. That's one of the things that make marriage work. And while I've been frustrated shopping without Rick and often feel like I'm wasting my time, deep down I know that I'm not. I'll narrow the house field down to 5 or 6 that I really like and then we'll look at them together and decide what's right for us. We've actually been using this system since before we were married. When we were engaged we needed to choose a china pattern and while I loved looking at china patterns Rick had other things he preferred to spend his time on. So...I chose three patterns that I liked and Rick looked at the three and said "that one". This may seem like an overly simple system but we've found that it works in our marriage. The truth is that I often can't make a final decision, more than one thing appeals to me, and Rick is able to judge more objectively and look at function over form (something I think a lot of women struggle with).Our system works to our strengths and I believe it is also Biblical. It keeps Rick in the position of leadership which is important in marriage.
Just some thoughts for today...now I'm off to look at more houses!
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