BEING A CONSERVATIVE

I've been thinking a lot lately about the differences, both actual and perceived, between liberals (or as they are now known, progressives) and conservatives.  Part of what got me thinking was an email from a friend who is very liberal. Her opinions and mine differ on many, many levels but the email had absolutely nothing to do with politics.  It was the FACT of the email that got me thinking about how our political opinions color our beliefs and actions.  Here's the backstory.  She's a wonderful person, a loving mother and someone who truly believes that the answer to America's problems lie within the policies of the Democrat party. She supported Obama and thinks the answer to issues is more government involvement, not less.  She supports gun control, abortion and unlimited immigration.  She thinks homosexuals should have the right to get married.  In other words there probably isn't a single political issue that we agree on.  On the surface you would really think that she is a "live and let live" kind of person, which is the impression most liberals give...on the surface.  But the reality is that she, like most liberals, is actually eager to tell others how to live.  Here's where I'm coming from.  Like I said at the beginning, she's a wonderful person and a loving mother.  Because I've always considered her a great mom I forwarded her a stupid e-mail chain letter about being a great mom.  Now here's the background.  I RARELY forward emails, whenever they have one of those stupid paragraphs about the rewards you get for forwarding the email (you know the ones I mean..."in 15 minutes something great will happen to you") I edit those lines out and remove all references that would identify it as a "chain-letter" and then forward it but even then it's something I hardly ever do.  But in this case I got the email, liked the general sentiment and went ahead and forwarded it en toto to several women I consider to be particularly good mothers.  Of all the women I chose this friend was actually the only liberal in the bunch, I tend to fly with my own flock if you know what I mean. Several of them sent it back to me as instructed in the email, several more ignored it but she, and only she, sent me back a sweetly worded reprimand for forwarding the email in the first place.  Here's what she wrote..."You are a great mother and getting prettier by the day. (the start of the letter) But I don't do chain letters.  Mostly because it seems to annoy more people than please them.  No spirit of fun!  But I do appreciate your thinking of me."  I have to admit that reply really bugged me, and yet as I re-read it I'm not sure why it bothered me so much.  She actually took the time to reply (in other words to let me know she'd gotten it) and yet at the same time to make it clear she didn't want to receive any more.  My own tendency when I get an annoying letter is to just ignore it but she went to the trouble of making her feelings known.  I think I can learn a lot from her.  My initial reaction to her email was to be upset that she didn't just accept it in the spirit in which it was intended but now I think she was probably right to make her feelings about it known in a tactful way.  Thus...the drawn out explanation for this blog, making my feelings known about the issues that matter the most to me as a conservative in the order in which they matter to me.  I'm not saying this is the correct order of importance on these issues.  Merely that this is the order in which I care about them.

BIG GOVERNMENT: I'm putting this first because I think it is the root cause of so many of our problems.  When America had small government it flourished and grew,as the federal government got bigger our growth was stymied.  I believe, as a conservative, that the only proper job of federal government is national security.  The writers of the U.S. Constitution stated that their purpose was to "establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for common defense, promote general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty".  I think the words "general welfare" are particularly meaningful, it isn't to specifically provide for people, merely to create the environment (one of safety and liberty) that would enable them to provide for their own welfare.  I think that above anything else our elected officials need to support the constitution.  The Constitution was written specifically to limit government, to make sure it didn't get too involved in people's lives.  When a congress or president support or enact policy that specifically goes against what the Constitution says then they are acting in a way that is unconstitutional and treasonous.  Article 1, Section 1. of the Constitution says that ALL legislative powers shall be vested in the Congress of the United States...so obviously when legislation comes from the Supreme Court or the President it is UNCONSTITUTIONAL!!!  Furthermore, the 12th article of the Bill of Rights says "The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people." In other words...small government, State government, LOCAL government.  Not national or federal.  LIMIT THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT!

FREEDOM OF RELIGION: The first article of the Bill of Rights says "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof, or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press, or the right of the people peaceably to assemble"  when the Federal government enacts laws that require people to provide services that prohibit the exercise of their religion then they are in direct opposition to the Constitution, when the government tries to prohibit peaceful assembly they are in direct opposition to the Constitution. Christians believe that abortion is murder, Christians believe that marriage is "an institution established by God" when you require them to support those things that are in direct opposition to their Christian faith you are prohibiting the free exercise of their religion which is UNCONSTITUTIONAL! The solution is to not mandate policy or use Federal funds for social issues.  Any government involvement in those issues should be determined at the local level.

RIGHT TO LIFE: This is way up there on my list of issues because it is an important one to me personally. I believe that those who are strong and able have a responsibility to protect those who are weak and vulnerable and in my opinion the two times of life when people are the most weak and vulnerable are at the beginning and the end of their lives. No one is more vulnerable than a child in the womb and it is my belief that our founding fathers would have found it absolutely inconceivable that the unborn would need our protection. If they could have foreseen that this country would reach a point where more than 46 MILLION babies have been aborted (https://nationaleconomicseditorial.com/2017/04/15/abortion-facts-and-statistics/) I have to think they would have thrown up their hands and said "what's the point of any of this?". Of course that's just my personal opinion. How is it possible that one of the biggest problems in the land of the free and the home of the brave would be that mothers are killing their own children? I could actually write on this particular subject for hours but am going to stop here. Conservatives believe in conservation, conserving our liberty, conserving our Constitution, conserving the lives of our people. It is almost as important to conserve the lives of the elderly as those of the unborn. Efforts to enable people to "die with dignity" have resulted in a culture of death and in my opinion the appropriate name for the Progressive movement is the movement of death. Their goal is to kill those they feel are unworthy of life...does that remind anyone else of another socialist regime?

GUN CONTROL: The second article in the Bill of Rights says "The right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed".  I think that is pretty straightforward!  We as citizens have a right to own firearms.  It's right there in the constitution. Anything that infringes upon our right to bear arms is UNCONSTITUTIONAL!!!

IMMIGRATION: I am all for immigration.  My husband's great-grandfather came here from Italy, my ancestors mostly immigrated from the British isles (England, Ireland and Scotland with some  native Americans in there for good measure) but they ALL immigrated here legally.  It is illegal immigration that is a problem and more than that it is the change in attitude on the part of new immigrants that has led to so much frustration with this particular issue.  It used to be that people immigrated to the United States in order to work and build a better life for themselves and their descendants.  They did not arrive here expecting the government to provide for them and that is the biggest problem with today's immigrants. Again, going back to the Constitution the only thing the federal government needs to provide is the environment for someone to provide for themselves.  I'll write more tomorrow because I have to go and I've only scratched the surface on why I'm a conservative..but there it is so far.

Well, in the words of the Garth Brooks song..."If tomorrow never comes..." I wrote this blog so long ago that I no longer even remember when I started it but today seemed like a good day to finish it. On rereading I realized that there is a lot more to say but I think I will do that later. For now I'm going to post and if anyone is interested in my unsolicited ramblings I would love to hear their comments.

Coffee Memories

This is a very, very old coffee cup and there IS a story behind it.  When I was a little girl we didn't live in Oklahoma where most of the family lived.  We did a lot of traveling around until I got into 4th grade and then we settled in Texas where I have lived most of my life.  For us 'vacation' meant going to visit our grandparents in Konawa, Oklahoma.  Konawa is one of those little don't blink or you'll miss it towns and it was about a 7 hour drive from our home in the Clear Lake area of Houston.  We would usually arrive late at night (having left after my dad's work day) and go straight to bed while my mom sat up talking to her mom and my Uncle Marshall.  Most of my mom's 9 brothers and sisters lived in Oklahoma and several within a half hour drive from Konawa so in the morning when we woke up my Grandma would make breakfast and people would start dropping in.  Some because they had heard we were visiting and some because that was their normal routine.  The two I remember most clearly were my Uncle Jack and my Uncle Dean.  Both lived nearby and I think they made stopping in at Grandma's for breakfast a pretty regular part of their day.  See, my Grandma had been a widow since she was 59 years old, she lived in a little house in Konawa with my Uncle Marshall (Mart) who had never married and I think in retrospect that her sons were always a bit protective of her.  Anyway she used these coffee cups every day of her life (at least her life after I knew her) and whenever I hear the words "cup of coffee" this is the cup I picture the coffee being in.  She ate eggs with raw onions and homemade biscuits and made her coffee in a white percolator on the stovetop.  (no one had even heard of an electric coffee maker) She spent a lot of time jumping up and down to add things to the table as people came and left but her seat was always at the end and her coffee cup was always sitting there at her place.  Coffee was a big deal, a real sign of adulthood and you had to be "grown-up" enough to drink coffee, at least according to my parents.  (My cousins Larry and Randy drank coffee with the grown-ups and I deeply resented it but their dad said it was okay!)  When my Grandma went into a nursing home I was part of the group of people who cleaned out her little house and as her belongings were claimed by different family members I asked if I could have the coffee cups.  I recently unpacked them from the last of our many moves and set them up at my coffee maker. The contrast between her mornings and mine made me laugh.  I'm the only coffee drinker in my house so I'm into the Keurig, individual cup thing and I do like my Starbucks but there's something really special, nostalgic and familiar about coffee in this cup!

A Secular Christian

I just reread this blogpost and have to warn you it is truly a ramble!

A couple of days ago I was listening to one of my favorite Bible teachers, Alistair Begg, and he used a term that I am very familiar with but about which I hadn't really given much thought...secular Jews.  I knew immediately what he meant by the term, someone who was born Jewish but doesn't really practice the Jewish faith.  I assume that secular Jews observe the High Holy Days of Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah, maybe even attend a Passover Seder, but overall their life is not really influenced by the Jewish faith although it may be greatly influenced by the Jewish race.  Dr. Begg stated in his sermon that they are a people, secular Jews that is, who make him feel particularly sad because in many ways they cling to an identity that they don't truly believe in.  I completely understand his feelings in that regard but it got me to thinking about the idea of secular Christians.  Can there BE secular Christians?  Christianity isn't a race the way Judaism is.  You aren't born a Christian and there are no DNA tests that can effectively label you a Christian as there are in Judaism. Christianity is a choice a person makes to follow Jesus Christ but we do often refer to being "born into a Christian home" as though it is something inherited.

*side note   I was fascinated a few years ago by an article I read where researchers had found DNA markers among Jewish people with the last name Cohen that proved conclusively that they had a common ancestor no matter what part of the world they were from!

People who are truly Christian universally recognize their Christianity as a faith based on the belief in the atoning work of Jesus when He died on the cross and was raised to life. But did you notice that little word "truly".  There are many, many people out there who believe they are Christians and yet at the same time believe that they will get into heaven based on the fact that they've been a "good person".  They think of God as a benevolent guide who they can come to when they THINK they need Him and basically ignore Him the rest of the time. They have no real understanding of who God is, what Jesus did and how it actually relates to them.  They observe the high holy days of Christmas and Easter (and even the occasional Good Friday) but on a daily basis Jesus has no place in their lives.  I think they are secular Christians.  Their lives are focused on this world (the secular) and they identify themselves as Christians. Are they saved?  Are they truly Christians?  I know that they are the hardest people in the world to witness to because they believe they already have the answer; and the truth is they do KNOW the answer, they just don't BELIEVE the answer.  They want to add to what Jesus has done and think it depends on themselves rather than him.  Are they saved?  I don't know, I honestly don't. BUT...I'm afraid they may not be.

My son Stephen pointed out something interesting to me a few months ago and I've thought about it a lot.  Jesus loved sinners...prostitutes, the possessed, tax collectors, liars, thieves and murderers.  The people He opposed most were the religious leaders of His time because they didn't think they WERE sinners!!!!  Many, many people in today's world want to believe that Jesus had a thing against religious leaders, that's not it!  He had a thing against unrepentant sinners.  The people who thought they were good enough, the ones who felt like they didn't need Him and that their sins weren't all that bad.  Those were the people he was opposing.  In the story of the prodigal sons He was talking to sinners AND Pharisees!  Those who recognized themselves in the profligate younger son, who realized they were sinners and needed Him AND those who should have seen themselves in the self-righteous older son who, as far as we know,  never recognized his own shortcomings or his need for redemption.  I am so afraid that many, many people who believe themselves to be Christians are not.

In many ways it is like another thing I struggle with, people who identify themselves as Christian and yet live in a repeated and perpetual state of sin.  How can you be repentant if you repeat your sin daily, revel in it or take "pride" in it?  I'm not saying Christians are sinless, merely that they are aware of their sin and repent of it, that they struggle with conquering it and rely on God to help them deal with it.  When you embrace your sin are you repenting of it?  (Sorry that's a rabbit trail from today's thought but one that I often go down.)

How are we supposed to reach them? I think the first step is to return to talking about sin, defining it and recognizing that we are ALL sinners.  I'm afraid that the current trend to avoid telling people they are sinners is resulting in a huge number of unsaved Christians, secular Christians and people who are not truly Christians. Without an understanding of God's perfect standard, our inability to meet it, and the fact that we are all sinners from birth we cannot understand the need for Jesus atoning life, death and resurrection.

Lessons from RADICALS

Something happened this week that brought back a lot of memories and a lesson I learned a long time ago.  First I'll tell you about the old lesson and then go into how it relates to now.

In 1997 Rick and I joined Mark and Tammy Stein in creating R.A.D.I.C.A.L.S. at Northwest Bible Church (NBC).  It was a new ministry for 4th and 5th grade students during the 11:00 service and the first year we taught it we used Josh McDowell's Right From Wrong curriculum.  I still remember the  curriculum and the lessons we learned from it that year, especially me!  Right From Wrong was written in response to the tendency toward relativism and was specifically designed to help young people recognize what is the right thing to do by studying the attributes of God and comparing their choices to Him.  I can still remember the four steps it taught

1. Consider the Choice
2. Compare it to God
3. Commit to God's Way
4. Count on God's Loving Protection

We talked a lot that year about the kinds of situations the students faced, especially making choices in school and with their peers when other's attitude is often "there's no right answer, just what is right for you".  We talked about how sometimes when you do the right thing you don't get an immediate reward for it and it is often hard to do.  We got a lot of good discussion with our students and it was a great curriculum, maybe the best I've ever used.

Then... at the end of the first year we, and especially me, got a first hand example of how well those simple steps worked when it came to recognizing the right vs wrong thing or reaction.  At the end of the year the R.A.D.I.C.A.L.S. were having a pool party.  We had rented the Cypresswood Clubhouse and Pool which included paying for a lifeguard.  The morning of the party we arrived at the pool to find that it had been vandalized during the night.  Pool furniture and supplies had been thrown into the pool, there were pizza boxes and pizza crusts in the water, along with beer cans and some other junk.  Of course, being me, my first reaction was to get upset and mad but I can still remember mentally using the four steps we'd been using with the kids.  I literally considered my choice of getting upset and mad about the pool not being ready for our event versus keeping my temper and recognizing that it wasn't the fault of the lifeguard we had met there that morning.  I asked myself "what is God's way?" and committed to holding my tongue and being kind.  In fact I told the man that we'd help and Rick and I jumped in the pool and started getting the trash out of it while the kids who had already arrived took what we handed them and put it all away, returned the chairs and tables to where they belonged, threw away the garbage and swept up around the pool.  Within about 30 minutes we had it all cleaned up and our party just proceeded like nothing had happened.  Everyone was having a really good time and I had kept my temper (a MAJOR accomplishment for me) when the manager arrived.  He came over and asked me if I was the person in charge of our party and I told him yes.  He handed me our deposit check for the rental of the facility and told us how much he appreciated our help and that he was giving us back our money.  It was really a little epiphany for me and I called the kids over and talked to them about how I had deliberately used our Right from Wrong steps to decide on my actions that morning and how they had WORKED.  Both in a personal way by giving me the peace I felt from holding my temper and doing the right thing but also in a "reward" kind of way by getting back some of the money we had spent on the party.

I've thought a lot about that experience this week as we prepared to put our house on the market.  When we decided to move to the west side of Houston we put our house in Spring up for sale.  It was a sellers market in Houston and everyone we knew was selling their houses so quickly, 7 days, 10 days that was all we were hearing.  Meanwhile...a little back story.  Northwest Bible Church had hired a new youth pastor the previous year.  Their family had moved to Houston from out of state and were trying to sell their house back in their home state in a decidedly non-sellers market!  Since they had moved to Houston they had been living with different church members, their family had been split up with one child living with one church member's family and another living with another. (these were older kids, high school age)  Anyway, needless to say in following God it had been a pretty stressful year for them, meanwhile we had moved into our new house in west Houston and our house in Spring was NOT selling. Long, loooong story short we realized that God really wanted us to rent our house to this family and yet I'll be totally honest and tell you that it is NOT what we wanted to do!  We really wanted to sell it, in fact our plan was to sell it and use the proceeds to put a pool in the yard of our new home and I'd been waiting a LONG time for a house with a swimming pool! In spite of that when Rick and I recognized the right thing for us to do we committed to doing what God wanted and offered our home to this family to rent.  The story got ever more dramatic as they faced life changing stresses, the loss of both of their fathers, tough work situations and a lot of soul searching about God's will.  Our house became a bit of a refuge for them, a place to call their own and retreat to and the wife and I especially became good friends (you have to realize we had left NBC long before they started renting our house) and I now count her as one of my very best friends.  We told them that they could rent our house for as long as they needed to do so.  Like we used to tell the kids in R.A.D.I.C.A.LS. the rewards aren't always obvious but the knowledge that you are doing the right thing is in itself very rewarding and the fact that I had gained a good friend was also in my opinion an example of God's loving protection after choosing to follow his will.

Fast forward to this September, the other family moved back to their home state and we got our house ready to go back onto the market over the past month.  On Wednesday we put our house up for sale and on FRIDAY we had an offer above asking price from a pre-qualified buyer!  We signed the offer on Saturday and both Rick and I were almost in tears because we have found over and over in our life that when you consider the choice, compare it to God, commit to God's way and count on God's loving protection it works.  Big situation or little situation, big choice or little choice... it works!

UNFRIENDING MYSELF

Two days ago, on December 30th to be exact, I decided to completely disconnect from Facebook.  I sent Facebook an archive request because I was afraid of losing all of those photos I've posted on Facebook over the years and Facebook sent me a compressed file of my entire Facebook history which I now have stored in my computer.  Once I knew my photos were safe I deleted my Facebook account.  I honestly don't know how many people realize I have taken this step (since I can't post on Facebook to share that information with the world) but I imagine that if someone notices that my stuff is no longer showing up in their feed they might wonder where I've gone and why.

To be honest I haven't gone anywhere, I'm still here! But what I have found happening repeatedly on Facebook is that we're all busy 'sharing' recipes, articles, opinions and photos and have stopped actually sharing ourselves.  I also found that miscommunication is rampant and in my opinion it is because there is no ability to  hear or use vocal inflection to convey meaning.  There was an incident that precipitated my taking what feels to me like a huge step but it was really just the catalyst that forced me to put into action things I've been thinking and feeling for a while.

 I made what was meant to be a funny remark on a photo that my cousin's son had posted and evidently it was not read the way I intended it.  The reaction of my second-cousin and his wife was quick, furious and to be perfectly honest very hurtful in the way they both "spoke" to me.  Well, obviously I apologized for making the comment in the first place but I was struck by my reaction to their words (and obviously their reactions to mine) and how nothing in the situation was positive.  The truth is I barely know this guy, have never met his wife or his children and would have been better off not commenting at all.  I had been fooled by Facebook into thinking we were "friends" when the truth is we are strangers in spite of being related.  Why was I letting the misunderstanding and hurtful remarks of strangers bother me so much?

When I first started using Facebook it really was only friends I was in contact with.  My thoughts and comments weren't available to a myriad of people I didn't know, but then Facebook made changes.  (Isn't Facebook ALWAYS making changes?)  They introduced the "feed" and I was suddenly getting "notified" of all kinds of things, if I had casually "liked" a photo I was now being told every time anyone else in the world "liked" or commented on the same photo.  I was getting links to ads, pages, and events that I had no interest in because at some pinpoint in time I had said something about a related subject.  I realized I was looking at Facebook 7-8 times a day, and I was not the only one.  I could tell from my news feed who else was on it ALL THE TIME!  I started to think of all the things I could have been doing with that time.  Studying my Bible, working out at the gym, cleaning my house, writing on my blog, playing with my son, helping my daughter...the list is endless.  The most convicting one was Bible study...how many times had I "not had time" to do my Bible study but apparently had unlimited time to peek into the lives of strangers on Facebook?  And I use that word peek very deliberately, Facebook is a bit like voyeurism.  We read what other people post, check out our news feed, look at everyone's photos and read the links and articles they put on their walls.  We "like" this one or that one (which usually means it espouses an opinion we agree with) and wish we could "dislike" another one.  I can't count how many times I have posted my opinion without bothering to read anyone else's, or if I did read it to give it any kind of real consideration, and I know that I'm not the only one who does that.  I'm not that special.  So....the end result is I am no longer on Facebook.  I can be reached by phone or e-mail.  If you really are a friend you will have that information or know how to get it.

MOTIVATION

Keeping myself motivated...

I received the amazing compliment this month of being told I inspire someone else. That is definitely a two-edged sword because the picture of myself that I allow other people to see is not the same picture I see myself.  I am aware of every single one of my flaws and shortcomings so I hesitate to see myself as "inspirational" to someone else.  I could spend the next hour or more writing all of my faults, because believe me there are THAT many, but instead I am going to do my best to share the things that help me to stay motivated in my fitness journey.  It's an interesting thing that I wrote that line because my first inclination was to write "weight loss journey" and I realize that my focus has changed from losing weight to being fit. I am going to share the things that inspire me and that keep me going and I suspect that I am going to realize some changes that have occurred in myself (like my change of focus) that I haven't recognized until now.

Changing my focus...

I make a conscious effort to focus on things that support my fitness goals rather than detract from them.  When I was fat I subscribed to a lot of magazines that talked about food and homemaking, Good Housekeeping, Better Homes and Gardens, Southern Living, Ladies Home Journal, Food and Wine, Cooking Light (not that I actually did!) and Cuisine at Home were the ones I looked at the most.  Now I'm not knocking food and homemaking but they really aren't what interested me, I chose to look at those magazines because the things they covered seemed attainable to me.  Who wants to look at Glamour and Vogue when the words "I could never wear that" are constantly recurring in your mind.  I let almost all of those magazine subscriptions lapse and the only ones I still get are BH&G and Cuisine at Home! Now I subscribe to In Style, Style Watch, and Fitness and I purchase Shape, Oxygen and Prevention when I see articles that interest me.  I find the stories in those magazines inspiring and I love looking at fashions and seeing things I might actually be able to wear! 

Speaking of fashion...

I try on clothes (A LOT!)  One of my best post weight-loss days was a day when I decided I would like a white dress so I went to Dillards to look at them.  I spent an hour trying on dresses and being really excited that my old size 18 was now a 12 and then when a 10 (and even an 8 in one particular brand) fit me I was pretty much ecstatic.  It left me feeling so happy and motivated.  Much happier than eating has ever made me feel!  I will often just run over to Ross for a few minutes and try on things, I like the feeling I get just knowing that I can find clothes that are cute and stylish. One of the most depressing things about being fat was shopping, feeling so frustrated, unhappy and depressed when nothing seemed to fit.  And if it did fit it was so dowdy I really didn't want to wear it.  Making clothes for myself was almost as depressing an experience as shopping for clothes because I had to come to terms with the fact that the problem was not the clothes, the problem was ME!

Address the real problem...

As most of my friends know I had weight loss surgery so sometimes I feel like I cheated and I really admire those people who lose weight "the hard way" but then I recognize that what I had to do was figure out what was stopping ME from getting in shape and then to address MY problems.  I'm not going to go into that whole process here but I did talk about it in an earlier entry. To sum it up I needed the jump start that surgery gave me, I needed that initial weight loss to get and keep myself motivated and I needed something irreversible.  I couldn't backtrack or change my mind I had no choice but to "keep moving forward".

Exercise is the key to fitness...

When I had my surgery I had a complication, an internal hemorrhage, which really set me back at first.  I ended up needing a transfusion and extra time in the hospital and was pretty miserable for a while.  About a month after my surgery I realized that I was losing weight super fast but was also losing a lot of muscle, in other words my weight loss wasn't "fat-loss" and I needed to fix that as fast as I could.  So....I joined the gym.  Now I had joined the gym more times than I could count but 24 hour Fitness had a deal where you paid $29 a month and had to pay first and last months in advance, no other commitment.  I decided to join with the understanding that if I didn't use it I would cancel and just be out sixty bucks!  When I first started working out I could barely walk 10 minutes on the treadmill but I kept it up.  When I was able to do 30 minutes on the treadmill using the incline I was doing pretty well but my knees were really killing me so on the advice of a friend who is a fitness enthusiast and an overall fantastic person I switched to the elliptical trainer.  I now do at least 30 minutes on the elliptical 3-4 times a week (although I am shooting for 5 now) at  incline level 20 (the highest) and resistance 11 (out of 20).  I generally burn about 500 calories with each elliptical session and the elliptical works for me, but people have to figure out what works for them.  I like the rhythm of the elliptical and the fact that it works my booty without screwing up my knees. About 3 months ago I started adding some weight training and now I spend as much time lifting weights as I do on the elliptical (usually between 30-45 minutes).  I ALWAYS do squats and abs and tend to concentrate on arms the most because I feel like my elliptical work addresses my quads and glutes quite a bit. Now that probably sounds like a long workout to most people but the thing that makes it work for me is music!

Music is the key to exercise...

It took me a few weeks to realize that the key to a good workout for me is the music I listen to.  When I was growing up you purchased music on albums and sometimes you had to purchase an entire album to get the one song you liked (occasionally you could find the song you wanted on a 45 for seventy-nine cents at TG&Y)!  To get a collection of songs you really liked you had to buy a whole lot of albums and make a mixed tape! So...for those of you who are really young (or at least younger than me) here are the translations from my times to yours...

Album=CD
Single (or 45)=song download
Mixed Tape= playlist
TG&Y=Walmart

Man, I love i-tunes!!!!  I now purchase the songs I want and put together playlists to work out to.  Right now there are 16 workout playlists on my i-phone.  These are the names of the ones I've put together Classic Rock Workout, 70's Workout, 80's Pop Workout, Country Workout 1-4 (there are four of these), New Country Workout, Mexico, Lorri's Faves, Kisses, Run, Disney, Summertime and Worship Workout 1 & 2.  I choose which one to use based on my mood when I start and I sometimes switch in the middle.  I have made some for special occasions (the Mexico workout was one I put together when we were planning our trip to Mexico) and when I find myself getting bored I get on i-tunes and put together a new list.  My Kisses and Run lists are all songs with those two words in the title or the chorus and Summertime is all about...you guessed it Summertime!  I am a person who craves change in most areas of my life (Rick and church being the two big exceptions) so it's important for me to mix things up and have a lot of change in my routine.

Speaking of mixing it up...

Since I started concentrating on Fitness versus Weight loss I have done a LOT of reading, one of the things that is universally agreed on in everything I've read is the need to keep changing.  Your body is amazingly adaptable (why do you think people who are grossly overweight can still have some pretty normal blood chemistry?) so when you get into a rut your body adapts and tries very hard to MAINTAIN!!!!! It tries to maintain the weight and gives up those extra pounds very grudgingly so you have to constantly stay on top of it and change up your routine to keep your progress going.  This was brought home to me just yesterday on the elliptical, I had done 50 minutes at level 11 and incline 20 and yet had only burned 504 calories according to the machine.  When I was 40 pounds heavier and worked out at that level the very same machine told me I had burned almost 800 calories.  I understand WHY this is so but that doesn't make it any less depressing.  I wish I was still burning off the pounds like I did at first but my body is adaptable and now I have to work harder at burning those calories.  That is just the way it is, I can whine about it or I can get off my ass and deal with it. I choose the latter.

Deal with it...

I think it is super important to accept reality and just deal.  I have a number of these areas in my life and several in the areas of fitness.  

I used to spend a ridiculous amount of time wishing I looked like someone I have no possible ability to look like. I have at various times in my life compared myself unfavorably to Keira Knightly, Gwyneth Paltrow, Charlize Theron and a multitude of other women with whom I have absolutely nothing in common physically.  I am not exceptionally tall (although at 5'6" I am on the tallish side of normal) nor am I petite. I am definitely not small-boned or flat chested.  What has helped me is to honestly evaluate MY figure's features (notice I do not use the word flaws!) and tendencies and then find people who I can emulate that are realistic goals for me.  I am broad-shouldered and slim-hipped (now that my hips are coming out from under their thick layer of fat lol), average height and average bust size but with a very large ribcage.  In many ways my shape is an inverted triangle so I look for role models who share my shape, in other words I stopped wishing I looked like Keira Knightly and work harder to look like Demi Moore (also an inverted triangle!)

I have a bad knee, I tore it up when I was 18 and it was replaced when I was 40 so I don't do ANYTHING that could screw up my knee.  It would be stupid and self-defeating!  When I do squats I do wide-stance plie squats, I find that they are much less stressful to my knee.  The treadmill hurts my knee and the elliptical doesn't so I use the elliptical and ignore the treadmill.   In other words I deal with it!

I came to a realization this year and it is another area where I just have to deal with it.  My weight is always going to be an issue!  I am always going to have to think about it, I am always going to have to work at it and the reality is so does everyone else.  When I was fat I would look at thin people and think "Oh, they've got it so easy!  They don't even have to try and they are thin."  Well, guess what?  I was wrong!  There are a few exceptions but the vast majority of people who are in good shape work at it.  They don't take second helpings, they exercise, they think about it address it, they deal with it!  That is probably the biggest lie that overweight people tell themselves, that they can just not think about it and it will all be fine.  It is simply not true and being healthy takes work, it takes effort and it takes time.  

It's worth it!

Sharp Contrasts

This was written a few weeks ago during church.  I've hesitated to post it here but a conversation around the dinner table last night made me  me decide to go ahead and put it up.  I'll expand on what was said after I've transcribed what I wrote in church.  Remember that the next paragraph was written in the "heat of the moment" when you read it.

I am sitting in church and am struck by how very much it resembles a theatre.  The glaring blue lights, the dramatic white against black, the white fabric draped to resemble shafts of light, very similar to the rotating lights of movie premieres.  High contrast black and white, not a single window in the room; and I am struck by the contrast between my church (which I do love) and the churches of my childhood. Classic, small buildings with a center aisle and wooden pews, stained glass windows down both sides and a beautiful baptismal at the front.  One of those churches was, and is, particularly special to me.  It was built by my Grandfather and when I step into it (and it's been a VERY long time since I did so) it feels sweet and familiar.  I think I value natural lighting.  I think what is bothering me right now is the theatrical artificiality I see in the atmosphere of my own church.  It is at a sharp contrast with the truth of the words Rob is speaking.  When I sing during worship I am often distracted by the "lights, camera, action!" atmosphere of my church.  When did our focus become theatrics????

Yesterday at church I felt the same way, but interspersed with that feeling were moments when the "theatrics" truly did enhance worship instead of contrast with it.  We were singing Amazing Grace (the original!) and when we got to the verse that says "when we've been there, ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun" I realized that the lights in the sanctuary had increased gradually and were now much brighter.  It was a subtle bit of theatrics that actually enhanced the worship. For the most part the theatrics aren't that subtle, they're usually just distracting. And I find them distracting from both sides of the "stage".  When I am on the worship team singing the bright lights in my eyes make it impossible to look out and focus on the faces of the congregation, they make it hard to make eye contact and connect to the people I am (hopefully) leading in worship.  When I'm out in the congregation I find the stage lights distracting and have to say that I sometimes hide in the relative darkness of the "audience" so my lack of involvement isn't as readily apparent.

Last night while talking about our worship service the word 'show' was thrown very casually into the conversation.  We were talking about things like smoke machines, haze and lighting and shows where those things were used well and added to the experience.  That word 'show' really bugged me.  Our worship is not a 'show'.  It's not supposed to be a show and it's purpose is not to entertain. Worship within your own church is a corporate experience aimed at God, not at a stage and an audience.  I struggle with being too critical and I hesitated several weeks before writing this but I have to say I'm having a real problem finding the balance between worship and theatrics.