Porn is Porn! Right?

I know, interesting title.  This is why I am thinking about porn right now.  As most of you know I am a nurse and I work in a hospital.  I am a supplemental staff nurse for the peri-operative services department at a branch of a world-renowned teaching hospital.  Right now several of the nurses I work with are discussing a best selling book called Fifty Shades of Grey.  It's kind of hard to be at work and avoid the conversations about this particular book and yesterday was no exception. Two of the nurses I work with were discussing it and someone asked me if I had read it.  Well, in typical Lorri fashion I didn't exactly keep my opinion to myself.  My response was (and this is pretty much a quote) "Porn is porn, and I hate porn!  Being porn aimed at women doesn't make it any different and the fact that there aren't pictures doesn't stop it from being porn."  Well, you could kind of tell I had put my foot in it and they were a little startled by my reaction. They really didn't think of the book as pornography.  Why is that?  Do people really think that unless there's a photograph attached something isn't pornographic? There's a tendency to re-label something as though that makes it into something different so Fifty Shades of Grey gets the more innocuous label of "erotica" and that makes it socially acceptable.  But it's still porn. It is created specifically to trigger one's sexual response and there is no emotional or spiritual response being sought. 

I once heard a pastor argue that romance novels are a type of porn and while I dismissed him out of hand at the time I've come to believe he really had a point.  One of the things porn does is create unrealistic expectations in men, one of the primary feminist arguments against porn is "pornography presents a severely distorted image of sexual relations and reinforces sex myths, that it always shows women as readily available and desiring to engage in sex at any time, with any man, and on men's terms, always responding positively to any advances men make." I normally don't agree much with feminists but I think they've hit the nail on the head there.  That IS a big part of what is wrong with porn. Now, if you paraphrase that wouldn't it describe most romance novels?  i.e. "romance novels present a severely distorted image of male/female relations and reinforce relationship myths"  While I think the comparison falls apart eventually there's still quite a bit to think about. Romance novels do create unrealistic expectations in women, read enough of them and you start seeing romantic interest in every man who disagrees with you (because he's really just fighting the love he feels inside) and you begin to believe that the right man will solve all your problems with nothing more than his great love for you (that he keeps hidden because he fears you don't love him back) and you'll live happily ever after (once he's dominated you and swept you off your feet).  As you can probably tell I have issues with romance novels also, and I read a TON of them between the ages of 16 and 25!

 My husband told me a story last night about Abraham Lincoln (and I'm paraphrasing here as I've only heard this second-hand).  Apparently Lincoln once asked an audience "how many legs does a dog have if you count the tail as a leg?"  When the audience responded "five" he told them that the answer was still four.  Why? Because the fact that you called a tail a leg did not change the fact that the tail was still a tail and not a leg. You can call something "adult" or "erotica" but the truth is it is porn.  

WEIGHT LOSS: HOPES, DREAMS AND FEARS!

Weight Loss: It's funny, I really thought that all my friends knew I had had weight loss surgery but I continue to get requests from people who want to know "how have you done it?" So...I decided to post this little weight history. It's probably more detail than any of you want but it is definitely a complete story about what led me into the 'surgery' decision. This was something I wrote for my doctor, Jason Balette, in answer to his question "What do you hope to gain from weight loss surgery, what are your hopes, dreams and fears?" I'll give everyone a chance to get more into my head than they ever wanted to and later I'll write more about what's happened since February. So...here it is:

I can type faster than I can write (and almost keep up with the thoughts in my head) so I decided to put this on a separate sheet of paper. You asked me to tell you what my hopes, fears and dreams are for this surgery. I’ll start by explaining why I’ve decided to do this and go from there. I’m sure it’s a very familiar story to you.

 I’ve struggled with my weight issues for close to thirty years. I was never a skinny kid, always had a rounded tummy and face and for some reason always thought I was fat. I look back at photos and realize I was NOT a fat child but I was convinced from a very early age that I was never thin enough. I had an experience at age 16 that seemed to seal that into my mind. When I was in high school I wanted more than anything else to be on the drill team. My high school drill team had a weight requirement and in order to try out a girl who was 5’6” had to weigh 116 lbs or less. I worked so hard to reach my goal of 116 but the day of tryouts when we had our weigh-in I was 118 lbs and wasn’t allowed to try out. The leaders asked me to go through the motions of the audition so it wouldn’t mess up the other girls in the line but they took my number and told the judges I wasn’t up for consideration. I remember so clearly being determined to be a 'good sport' and going through the dance but afterwards when one of the judges came up to me and told me I was a good dancer and that I would definitely have made the team if I had made the weight I was just crushed. In my mind if I didn’t weigh 116 lbs I was fat!

 I steadily gained weight over the next couple of years and by the time I was a sophomore in college I weighed about 165 lbs. I was still a very active person physically and realize when I look back at photos that I didn’t look particularly fat, but in my mind I was huge! Morbidly obese!!! My junior year in college I sustained a very serious knee injury doing karate. I tore my ACL and MCL and both meniscus in my left knee (doing a flying side kick that ended with a crash landing) the doctor who saw me initially thought I had just strained my knee and told me to get back on it. My knee was pretty unstable and I honestly thought I was imagining things but saw a sports medicine doc at UTMB in Galveston who did an arthrogram and finally recognized the extent of my injury. At that point I underwent knee surgery but there was quite a bit of arthritis in the knee by then. Laparscopic surgery was out and instead I had two LONG incisions on my left leg and another three months on crutches. Being inactive was oddly bad and good for my weight. I lost muscle mass and increased in flabbiness but my actual weight didn’t change very much. I decided to start counting calories and restricted myself to 1000 calories a day. It wasn’t too hard to do because I was doing no physical activity that didn’t involve crutches. I lost down to about 135 lbs and was fairly happy with the way I looked. Once I became more active my weight gradually increased into the 150 range but that was more due to muscle gain than anything else and my size didn’t significantly increase.

 What you need to understand is that I still felt like I looked fat. Since I still didn’t have a flat tummy and my face was still round I really was never particularly happy with the way I looked. I met my husband Rick during that time and we got married 18 months later in 1987. My daughter Chelsea was born in January 1990 and while I gained weight with my pregnancy I did lose most of what I’d gained. My body never really bounced back though and I wasn’t as able to be physically active so a lot of my weight loss was lean muscle mass. Stephen was born in December of 1991 and I repeated the same pattern of losing some of my baby weight but not all of it. I also need to point out that I didn’t really gain an abnormally large amount of weight with either pregnancy and both pregnancies were essentially uncomplicated. But this is where the mind (or at least MY mind) plays tricks. I was never really honest with myself regarding how I looked. It was like I had a mental picture of myself at 150 and that’s how I thought I still looked, I didn’t recognize the extra 30 pounds I was carrying at that point. I find it incongruous that at 118 I thought I was fat and at 180 I thought I was thin. The mind is a ridiculously powerful thing!

 I should also point out that at this point I had developed some tachycardia which we originally thought were just palpitations. I had seen a cardiologist and worn a holter monitor but we could never catch the rhythm on a monitor as it was pretty infrequent. Our family moved to Utah for a couple of years and it wasn’t a particularly happy time. My weight fluctuated in the 180’s and when we returned to Texas I decided to try out this new medication called phen-fen. I lost a quick 25 lbs with phen-fen but the incidences of my palpitations increased too. I have to admit I wasn’t too concerned about my heart. I assumed I was just the typical slightly hysterical female who had palpitations and that they probably weren’t too much to be worried about. At the time I was working in CVICU at St. Luke’s in the Texas Medical Center and one day while on my break my heart started doing it’s funky rhythm. It seemed to be racing for more than 30 minutes and when my break was over I asked my charge nurse if I could sit for a few more minutes until my heart stopped racing. She first felt my pulse and told me that my pulse seemed fine and when I replied that it really felt like it was going fast she put her stethoscope on my chest. Her next words were “OMG, it’s too fast for me to count.” Before I knew it my co-workers had slapped me on a monitor and what we thought were simple palpitations turned out to be V-Tach. I started to see a cardiologist and had a cardiac catheterization and EP Study that showed an idiopathic ventricular tachycardia. Dr. Massumi told me that the origin of my VT was very high in the ventricle and he didn’t recommend an ablation at that time, instead I was started on a beta-blocker and taken off all caffeine and stimulants (and obviously phen-fen). The incidences of V-tach lessened and I was able to come off the beta-blockers and just avoid caffeine. Except for the idiopathic rhythm my heart was in great shape (as Dr. Massumi pointed out anyone who can sustain rates of 270 for an hour without dropping their BP has a pretty good heart).

 In 1999 I was pregnant with my youngest child Paul. During my pregnancy we discovered that Paul had Down syndrome and a congenital heart defect. That pregnancy was very stressful for me and I had several incidences of going into VT that did NOT resolve spontaneously. However, my rhythm responds extremely well to Adenosine and twice I was converted chemically after sustaining rhythms greater than 250 for up to four hours. On the day Paul was born in January 2000 I weighed 206 lbs. Not only did I never lose my “baby weight” I packed on more. Life over the next couple of years included Paul’s open heart surgery and a total knee replacement for me as the arthritis in my left knee had reached the point where I could barely walk for 30 minutes without needing to put my knee in ice. I had a GREAT knee surgery, it made a big difference in my activity level but somehow not in my weight, in fact I found that with increased activity I just ate more and instead of losing weight I stayed about the same.

In 2004 we moved to Singapore. Life overseas carries a different set of stressers and my response to stress has often been to eat. I was lonely, isolated from friends and country (although my own family is pretty terrific) and exposed to the amazing food of Singapore. I continued to steadily gain and now I was finding that I couldn’t seem to stick to a diet at all. Now I seemed to always feel hungry and I couldn’t find any of the will power I’d relied on in the past. But still I didn’t truly recognize how fat I had become. Singaporeans however are nothing if not honest. When you look for clothes they tell you “we have nothing for you, you too fat”, it’s a very humbling place to be. But I was in denial and would find myself thinking “I’m not fat, I’m just not Asian” We were both right; I was too fat, and I’m not Asian!

 I explored the idea of a lap band while I was in Singapore, I worked with a nutritionist who told me what I should eat and basically scolded me when I didn’t do it right. I seriously considered a lap band but our insurance does not pay for any weight loss surgery. I tabled the idea and kept trying on my own. When we got back to the United States I tried Weight Watchers (for what had to be the eighth time) and even went to Overeaters Anonymous but nothing seemed to work for me. I saw an M.D. with Physician’s Weight Loss and made him FULLY aware of my heart condition, hoping that some of the newer weight loss drugs would be safe. He told me they were safe but I started having chest pain and was not feeling well at all (in spite of an ablation in 2005) and when I called my cardiologist he told me to stop all the medications I was on. I went in to see Dr. Massumi and he did a new echo and my once almost perfectly healthy heart now is showing some mild signs of having to work too hard. So while I have no true co-morbidities to accompany my BMI of 36 it’s like they are all sitting on the sideline waiting for me to just get fat enough for them to jump into the game!

On February 4, 2012 my husband said he wanted to talk to me. He told me we had money set aside and if I wanted to pursue weight loss surgery he wanted me to do it. His exact words were, “of course I would like it if you were thinner but if you don’t do something you are going to end up with diabetes or high blood pressure. We need to prevent those things from happening”. I can’t even begin to tell you how hard that was to hear, but I really needed to hear it. I had felt like having the weight loss surgery would be selfish, it would be just for me and so I didn’t want to go there. Rick made me realize it is actually for him and for our kids, especially our youngest who is going to need us for a long time.

So….finally I can actually answer your question about my hopes, dreams and fears. I hope that losing this weight will improve my health, that I’ll be able to have enough stamina that I won’t feel like I’ve been beaten after working a 12 hour shift, that I’ll be able to run up the stairs without huffing and puffing and be able to get up and moving instead of wanting to just vegetate in front of the TV when I have free time. I hope that I can arrest my heart disease and prevent any new heart problems from developing. I hope that I can NEVER develop Type 2 Diabetes or high blood pressure. My grandmother died in 2007 at the age of 96 and she needed NO prescription medications. I hope I can match her in the prescription way (but I actually have NO desire to live to 96!). In fact my hopes are really my expectations! I expect those kind of improvements.

 I dream of going to the beach and not being embarrassed to wear a bathing suit, of raiding through my 22 year old daughter’s closet and wearing some of the cool clothes we got for her in Singapore that she never uses (and that I always envied when we were there) and of dancing at my son’s wedding in 4 inch heels!!!! I dream of taking a ballroom dance class and a second honeymoon somewhere with a gorgeous beach. I dream of a new wardrobe and of seeing something in Dillards out of the corner of my eye and actually fitting into it!! I dream of showing up at a family or class reunion 100 pounds lighter. Those are dreams.

 My fears are more complex. I’m afraid that I’ll be a failure at this as I’ve been a failure with weight loss before. I know enough about surgery and it’s complications that I have a healthy fear of anesthesia, infection, and bleeding but my past surgical history has taught me that being determined and following the doctor’s instructions makes all the difference in the world. I fear that I will look older after surgery and I told my husband that losing weight won’t make me 25 again (he just laughed). But I do fear that I won’t meet whatever expectations he has of this surgery.

 Rick sees the surgery as similar to diet pills, something to help me lose weight that I can’t lose on my own. I see it as a drastic decision that I can’t take back, it won’t just help me lose weight, it will force me to lose weight. That’s a big part of why I am so excited about it. For me it’s a lot like my knee replacement or my ablation…they both made a huge difference and improved my life dramatically but neither of them turned back the clock. My knee will never be “normal” again and neither will my heart. This will do the same thing for my stomach but the changes will be positive ones and much, much better than if I’d done nothing at all.

There you have it!  Probably my longest post to date.  Next time I'll put in some pictures.

Political Musings

I recently engaged in a rather lengthy exchange with a 19 year old college student about whether or not requiring photo ID to vote is “fair” and whether voter fraud truly exists. It’s been enlightening and caused me to evaluate why I believe the things I do.

I think it's possible that deep down I don't truly believe in one person/one vote. I find the inconsistency of thinking that some people are supposed to pay and do more than others and yet not have extra representation a bit inconsistent.

I think our country is about to hit a critical mass, where people who take from the government coffers drastically outnumber those who put into them. They continue to vote themselves more and more entitlements from funds that don't even exist and the system will have no choice but to fall apart. I foresee a future where you get your paycheck and find that 50, 60, or 70% of your salary has been taken from you and put into the kitty where other people decide how it will be spent.

I am fundamentally opposed to socialism because I strongly believe that when people don't receive the rewards of their labor their motivation to labor disappears. I think it has happened in Europe and it will happen here too. I think that when you earn money by working hard how that money is spent should be determined by you, not by whoever managed to get the most votes by people with their hands out.

I don't just believe this for other people, I believe it for myself too. When people encourage me to enlist in government programs and assistance for Paul my response is that Paul is MY responsibility. He was given to me and Rick by God with the understanding that we are to take care of him, not the government.

If we had a flat tax at 10, 15 or even 20% of our income for EVERYONE then I would be much more supportive of the idea of one person/one vote. But why should someone who turns over 45% of their income to the government have the same vote as someone who pays 0%? And don't be fooled, there are millions of people who pay 0%! I strongly believe that liberal philosophy has perpetuated the attitude of laziness and entitlement. They have in their own way enslaved people who depend on the government by refusing to insist that they depend upon themselves, and they've done it for POWER, the more people dependent on them, the more people who will vote to keep them in office.

In many ways the inconsistency of liberal philosophy is part of why I can't buy into it. How can someone oppose the death penalty with the argument that life is precious and support abortion?

And don't get me wrong, I am well aware that I am not one bit impartial on the abortion issue. I always see it in terms of my son. To me abortion is the sacrifice of one person's life for another person's convenience. When I was pregnant with Paul and we found out he had a heart defect and Down syndrome I was encouraged by more than one person (and some within my own family) to terminate the pregnancy. I found myself thinking about the fact that we are appalled that Adolf Hitler condemned people to death for being mentally retarded but in this country we kill them before they are born for the very same reason!

Don't think that because the Brennan Center for Justice has the word non-partisan in their description that they are truly non-partisan. If you look at their stands on issues, their voting record and who they historically support it is obvious that they are quite partisan. At least they should be honest enough to admit it. I know for a fact that I am quite partisan. About 25 years ago I realized that I can't possibly know everything about every issue and that what I needed to do was see who I agreed with more; who represented my overall viewpoint the best. I have a couple of issues that are make it or break it for me. They are mostly related to moral issues that I believe matter the most to God, like taking care of those who can't take care of themselves. A lot of people think this is where conservatives are deficient but research has shown that conservatives give FAR more of their income to charity than do liberals (Who Really Cares: The Surprising Truth About Compassionate Conservatism by Arthur C. Brooks) and that conservatives support right to life whether of the unborn or the terminally ill. Proverbs says that God hates "hands that shed innocent blood". That is a litmus test for me.

If you've read this long I applaud you, I didn't mean to get on a total soapbox but couldn't seem to help myself. I think ultimately I wanted to say is that one of my best friends is an ardent supporter of President Obama and believes strongly in most of the ideas of liberalism. We learned a long time ago that we are never going to change each others minds but it's nice to know where we are each coming from.

My favorite quote of all time is "I do not agree with a word you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."

Sometimes we just have to agree to disagree.

Online Evangelism

I just got out of church and there was a BIG presentation about an online evangelism that our church is apparently going to start supporting. This presentation completely took the place of our sermon today. I have to admit that I have serious problems with this type of ministry. The presenters, and I have to confess I don't remember their names or that of their organization (probably not an accident) began with a presentation about numbers....ALL about numbers.

How many people use the internet, how many people are in China and India, how many people communicate by smart phone, the percentage of homes in a variety of countries that have wide band internet access, how many children in India have high IQ's, how many babies were born in the U.S. during the presentation, how many born in China and how many in India. The point being of course to let us know that internet communication is the wave of the future and they believe Christians need to jump on the bandwagon. Something I wholeheartedly disagree with!

I do not think this kind of ministry has any depth. I once heard Beth Moore talking about our current widespread communication...facebook, cell phones, e-mail, twitter and she said (and I'm paraphrasing here) "it's 500 miles wide and about a centimeter deep". That's how I feel about this type of evangelism. It's shallow and essentially meaningless. There's certainly no depth to it and it is really just a numbers game.

In the course of the presentation one of the presenters said something that I noticed, he pointed out that you could do it "as much or as little as you want". Something in those words really offended me. That is not what Jesus taught. Jesus taught that you are to give yourself wholeheartedly to God. That when you choose to become his disciple you need to count the cost and recognize what that decision entails. It isn't something that you get to compartmentalize and it's supposed to be a pervasive part of your life.

It's the perfect type of "missionary" work for men. No actual personal contact is necessary and you can choose to ignore messages you don't want to hear. The people who "make a decision" or "accept Christ" are anonymous and the man today emphasized that anonymity. All of the names he gave were first names only. He talked about a message he'd received from someone in Africa who expressed the desire to be a Christian but who didn't want to go to a local church "if anybody see me". In other words saying that through this medium he was free to be an anonymous Christian. But Jesus said "Therefore everyone who confesses Me before men, I will also confess him before My Father who is in heaven." (Matthew 10:32, NAS). I've always believed that verse means that our public confession of Jesus is necessary. The people who go to the internet searching for Jesus, especially those who live in free nations, can avoid going to real people in real churches for the answers to their questions. Instead they can go to someone they'll never meet in person. That person can become perfect in their own minds and they don't have to deal with the fact that real Christians are not perfect. I think it's the perfect set-up for long-term disappointment. For me the whole thing is oddly reminiscent of online pornography, men making contact (often merely visual) with women who are physically perfect and make no demands and the end result being that real women cannot ever live up to those standards.

Because of "technical difficulties" the beginning of the presentation was almost a picture for what I'm talking about. The presenter's back was turned to a congregation of real people while he fiddled with a computer.

QUIET TIME

I've been doing a new Bible study alone. One of the things in my walk that I struggle with is having a regular quiet time. I purchased a devotional study book several months ago and have successfully avoided using it for quite a while. I've finally started to spend time every in devotion. The book is by Beth Moore and is called Jesus; 90 Days With the One and Only (a whole different point here is that I really am trying to make my devotion very, very JESUS focused).

In true Beth Moore fashion she's always asking questions that require a lot of self-examination along with scripture examination. This morning the question that got to me was "What would be different or would have to change about God's "good news" if it wasn't intended for "all people"?"

The whole thought process that this question initiated brought me back to Rob's sermon this past Sunday. Rob (my church's youth pastor) was substituting for our regular senior pastor and I always enjoy it when Rob preaches. His sermons are direct and insightful and I always walk away from them with things to ponder. Rob's lesson was from 2 Peter 2:9 which says "But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession, so that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of darkness and into His marvelous light." (NAS)

Rob was talking about this verse as a call to evangelism and he said a couple of things this past Sunday that really stuck with me. Namely that in comparing ourselves as witnesses to the Levitical priesthood we see evangelism in a new light. Rob said that in addition to talking to people about God we need to be talking to God about people! The priests were intercessors on behalf of the people--Christ is OUR "high priest" (Hebrews 4:14) who intercedes on our behalf-- and as a "royal priesthood" WE are called to intercede on behalf of others throughout the world. THAT is an important part of our evangelism. We should be pleading FOR souls rather than WITH souls!

Sometimes (shoot, MOST of the time) I am a very judgmental person. I have to admit that I haven't been particularly touched by the suffering in Haiti, mostly because I think the class of victim that has been created there has contributed greatly to WHY they're suffering. Corruption and laziness have created the situation even more than the earthquake itself did (as evidenced by the difference between what happened in Haiti and what happened in Chile). BUT (and this is the point I'm going for here) Beth's questions today have made me see that attitude on my part is not Christ-like. Christ came for ALL people (Luke 2:10), NOT the deserving. If I qualify who I have mercy and grace on then I diminish God's "good news". It is for everyone, not just those who "work hard" or "deserve" it or "help themselves". If I don't present the good news as God intends it then I become guilty of unforgiveness and am just like the slave in Matthew 18 who did not forgive after being forgiven.

Rob's sermon also brought me back to the lyrics of one of my favorite Wayne Watson songs:

We work the field of souls
together you and I.
Some fields are blooming now,
other fields are dry.
We are not the same
but our differences aside,
We will work the field of souls,
together you and I.

One is off to foreign soil
To work a distant land.
While another labors close to home
And holds a neighbor's hand.
Tell me who has served the Father most?
And who has labored best?
That life devoted to our God,
That devotion will be blessed.

One shouts the gospel in the street
for everyone to hear.
He's bold to everyone he meets,
and the word is loud and clear.
While another cries alone and prays
in silence on her knees.
Before the throne day after day,
where human eyes don't see.

We work the field of souls
together you and I.
Some fields are blooming now
and other fields are dry.
We are not the same,
but our differences aside,
we will work the field of souls.
Together you and I.

SERIOUS food for thought today!

DUH!

It's four in the morning and I wish I had something profound to blog about but I simply don't. I'm very pleased with how well Stephen is recovering but there's simply no way to feel good when you're watching your child hurting.

When Paul was 18 months old he ended up in the Texas Children's ER. The story's too long to go into here but the main point of it is that he had to have an IV and he's an incredibly difficult kid to stick. The nurses at TCH stuck him a total of 13 times, trying to get his line in and at one point as we were waiting for yet another person to give it a try Rick and I were sitting in the room. The lights were out, it was the middle of the night and Rick had fallen asleep. I was sitting on the stretcher holding the baby and praying that whoever they were bringing THIS time would be able to get the IV in and I was crying. I remember looking up at the ceiling where they had put glow in the dark stars and I remember saying these words to God. "Do you know what it feels like to watch your child suffer" and I swear to you that I heard God say "DUH!".

Sometimes we (or more accurately I) lose track of what Jesus really did for us when He died on the cross. It wasn't a quick process and it had to have hurt his Father so much! I know that if I could take Stephen's place I'd do it in a heartbeat and that thought leads to another one. The reason Stephen is going through this right now is that we (and he) realize that he'd be in much worse shape later if he didn't take care of this back problem now. We didn't want him to have a limited future because of chronic back pain. God did the same thing...he realized that Jesus suffering was necessary to ensure a better future..in fact the ultimate future...for his children. The future He was saving goes on for all eternity!

Sometimes when I am sitting in this darkened hospital room watching my son hurting I realize that as much as I love Stephen it's a dark image of how God feels about His children. I read news stories and see pictures of parents crying over their suffering children throughout the world and I'm just awed by how huge our God is. To Him all those people are individuals, not photos. He knows the hearts of every single one of them! How huge is He! How completely beyond our ability to appreciate!

Fear Not, God Answers Prayers

Last time I wrote on this blog I talked a bit about the power of prayer. The past 2 weeks have done nothing but reinforce to me how amazingly powerful it is when God's people pray. Not long after I wrote the blog about spiritual warfare I began to feel real peace and the fear was essentially gone. Prayer Answered!

The night before Stephen's surgery he went to our church's Wednesday night prayer meeting with his father where the people who meet there weekly, and probably embody the description prayer warriors better than anyone I know, anointed him and prayed over and for him. His youth group met Wednesday night before his surgery and prayed for him, the choir prayed for him, my prayer partner and I prayed for him, his father and I prayed for him, in fact everyone I know was praying for him. We were praying that Dr. Weinberg would have steady hands, that everyone in the OR would be capable and focused and that everything would go smoothly.

Stephen went into surgery at 8 a.m. yesterday and surgery ended around 3 p.m. Before surgery we met with Dr. Weinberg who initialed Stephen's back (right patient, right site) and told us that his 1st assistant was going to be his boss and the chief of orthopedics (how's that for capable?). We also met the two anesthesiologists who would take care of him and the OR nurse. Prayer Answered!

Right now I'm sitting in room 1106 at Texas Children's Hospital and Stephen's sleeping peacefully. His surgery yesterday couldn't have gone more smoothly. I firmly believe that the care he's getting here can't be equalled. Last night his PCA (patient care assistant) was a young man named Darrell who's worked at TCH for 17 years and he was amazing in how he came in, explained everything he was doing to Stephen and turned him every 2 hours using perfect body alignment. Stephen stood at his bedside around 10 p.m. ( 7 hours after surgery ended) and had a night that was for the most part pain free. Prayer Answered!

*I don't know who invented the PCA Pump (patient controlled analgesia) but I firmly believe THAT'S the person who deserves a Nobel prize for contribution to humanity!

Just a few minutes ago Stephen got back into bed after walking about 100 feet down the hallway and then sitting up in a chair for 1 hour (<24 hours after surgery ended) and he's now sleeping peacefully with worship music playing in the background. Prayer Answered!

Last night I asked Stephen what his favorite verse in the Bible is and he said "well, lately it's been James 5:15" James 5:15 says "and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him." Interestingly, verse 16 was more familiar to me..."Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you my be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much." I think I found my "cling to" verses for this hospitalization. The ones I write on the wall and remind myself of constantly.

But here's the interesting thing I notice in those verses, I think they're speaking of spiritual healing even more than of physical healing. The first priority that the verses give are to the forgiveness of sin, they are essentially identifying sin as the essence of sickness because both verses talk specifically about sin in connection with healing. While Stephen and I are praying for physical wellness in many ways the spiritual darkness I felt before the surgery was harder for me. I'm probably the last person in the world who would be a big quoter of FDR but I think he was right on target when he said during his first inaugural address that "the only thing to fear is fear itself". I mean think about how many times in the Bible God uses the words "fear not"! I did a search of the phrase "fear not" and I found out that the specific phrase "fear not" is used more than 400 times (I swear that He said it to Joshua at least 50 of them and Joshua's kinda known for his courage!) so obviously fear has always been an issue. It really is the place where our enemy likes to try to get to us and it's the place where so many of us, especially myself, are gotten to! So...as I prepare to close this somewhat disjointed blog for today all I can think of to say is Fear not, because God answers prayers!!!!